Conformity

I spent several years in my younger professional life supporting children and adults with learning difficulties, in their schools, homes and in the community. Along with certain behavioural and neurological differences, many of the service users also had physical and mobility challenges and differences. Our goal was to assist these people to live as independently as was appropriate to each person, and to live their fullest, most meaningful lives based around their individual needs and goals, and also our collective understanding of what human-beings need to live with dignity.

This role afforded many memorable experiences. Once a month, a disco was organised for clients from around the region to meet new people, spend time with friends, enjoy themselves and have some fun in this stimulating environment. It was one of my favourite activities to facilitate. Some people were happy to dance un-self-consciously, in any way that their bodies would allow, some people felt shy at first but gradually and cautiously joined in, some felt happy to watch on with a packet of chips and half a pint of lager, just soaking up the atmosphere. This is much like the dynamics of any such occasion as I’m sure we’ve all experienced! What struck me in particular during these events, was the unique individuality of everyone present. Each person was experiencing their own rhythm, each person had their own bag of moves that felt good to them, and expressed their own style of dance. Everyone was different. This was a time to celebrate the beautiful diversity of these people who struggled to be anything other than themselves, who are often unable to conform to the conventions that life is structured around. Every time looking out onto the dance-floor I would see what felt like the best parts of humanity; togetherness, vulnerability, self-expression, a willingness to try. There was less need for these people to judge others for being different, because - everyone was different.

There is undoubtedly a beauty to be found in conformity and smooth perfection; synchronistic movement and the elegance of living together in a structured, patterned way. We have our guidelines and languages that help us flow seamlessly together.

Sometimes my inner-critic is loudest when I feel like I haven’t been able to say or do what seems to be expected by those guidelines. I failed to communicate effectively. I didn’t look right. My bake didn’t turn out like the picture in the recipe… There seems to be a requirement to be highly polished, well-rehearsed, as though following a script and stage directions. Our awkwardness and non-conformity might translate inwardly as something we would rather not have shown to the outside world.

When the world sees our messiness, could we see that as human-ness? Vulnerability can certainly be an uncomfortable feeling in our bodies. It requires a softening, a care-taking of our wounded parts, and a willingness to meet the world and ourselves where we are in a process of forgiveness, acceptance, and joy just for having shown up!  When we see the messiness of others, we can empathise, and see the beauty and vulnerability of what it is to be embodied, unique, perfectly imperfect, and alive.